zortharg's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Famous Paintings Parodies]

So what did the art thief say when he successfully robbed the Louvre yet his getaway vehicle ran out of gas one block away? "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh".

Boy, the maker of this thing sure likes to toot his own horn, bragging about where his parodies have been displayed and whatnot. Oh REALLY, they've been displayed in countries all over the world, huh. How delightfully vague. Where in those countries, I have to wonder, on the walls of bathroom stalls?

[Monopoly (beta version)]

I have a GWBASIC monopoly game (you know, the thing before qbasic where you have to have line numbers) that was programmed in like 1980 and it's better than this. By a lot. And capable of single player operation to boot. And what's with the creative liberties, turning it into chinatown monopoly and the 10 to 1 inflation with 2000 dollars when you pass go? Creative liberties are FINE when you actually have a good working game that has the principles down, and this is none of the above. Not a good game, that's for sure. It's also kind of chaotic and confusing. You should get the basic game right before you improvise. Seriously, no decent monopoly implementations on Newgrounds? There's "dice mogul" but I swear that thing cheats so hard! There's no way those numbers are randomly chosen.

[Sticky Blocks]

This game is beauty incarnate. And the music. Wow. Unforgettable perfection. Possibly the best puzzle game ever. Shameful that it gets so neglected, put up in October 2010 and no reviews since 2010 until me. The only thing I don't like is that often times it puts important things off the screen where I can't see them and the only way to get the screen to pan in that direction is to MOVE in that direction and the results of that may be regrettable.

Legend has it you unlock a secret of some sort if you complete level 27 holding onto enough green moving right-turn blocks AND get the star, but I just did it with 2 green ones and that wasn't enough.

[Easy Chess]

W (me): E2->E4
B: B7->B6
W: G1->F3
B: D7->D5
W: E4->D5(take pawn)
B: D8->D5(take pawn)
W: B1->C3
B: D5->E6
W: D1->E2
B: E6->E3
yeah. Guess the next move.
W (me): D2->E3(take queen)

EASY chess? No no no, you sell yourself short there. Call it RETARDED CHESS. Honestly, why did you even bother? Well at least it doesn't have the sort of bugs where illegal moves are performed or even worse, forced. Here, have 2.5 pity stars for that.

[Ultimate Chess]

Woefully stupid AI, it just threw its pieces at me and I trounced it, it's shameful that THIS is the best one on Newgrounds, the only one even resembling one in fact! Also I was really hoping that when a pawn was promoted, it would have an animation of him going into a doctor's office to get a sex change operation, ha ha, but I guess the author of the game wasn't quite that creative. Really missed out on that opportunity there, that would have been funny and memorable.

stick01 it's funny and ironic you can claim to use correct "grammer", though I'm not sure if spelling counts as a form of grammar. All the same, I think you should go eat some grammar crackers, ha ha.

[Naya's Quest]

Oofda. Isometric graphics with 26.565 degree angles for the 2:1 ratio I'm guessing. You should make it 1:1 so it's 45 degrees and then rotate the whole image by 45 degrees so that up can actually be straight up and right can be straight right. But I'm quitting from that stupid guessing game where because the 3 dimensional structure is in fact a 2-d projection onto my computer screen, every step forward is just a 50 50 guess. If I want to play a game like that, I'll flip a coin, that would be equally interesting.

[The Shai Job]

Yikes. I was convinced this was in the Babylon 5 universe until suddenly it went all furry on my ass.

What the hell is with shooting all the guards? Is it supposed to be fun just clicking on heads? There isn't even a time constraint, I can just take my time moving my mouse cursor to their heads and then HEAD SHOT! GOSH that was SO hard. Not.

gio-m responds:

Well I'd have to admit the shooting part didn't come out how i would have liked it. I made this game for a contest and ran out of time to finish most of the things i wanted to do. I put most of the weight of the game in the story (which i also have to admit I'm not that good at writing). I did hope to portray the game as more of an adventure then a shooter. Sorry if i miss lead you.

[Vendulcat]

Ok. Well it certainly beats the games where there's a cat which is beaten to a bloody pulp. By the way, you might want to take a lesson from the game "Haunt the House". The cats in that game would change the direction they are looking to silently observe the ghost much more smoothly and aesthetically than this awkward cat's head follows the mouse cursor at the end, and only moving the head and nothing else. Or maybe the "felix" screen saver from the windows 98 days.