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Recent Movie Reviews

127 Movie Reviews

I always thought that slurp thing in silence of the lambs was ridiculous and silly and not creepy at all like it was supposed to come off as. But why is he disappearing Marty McFly style? Is she going to go back in time later and turn out to be his mother, but if she doesn't take him seriously now, she won't get sent into the past?

Well, some things deserve to be mocked, but I think you could find better things than that, and ....eeewwwwww. I don't understand the picture with the tricycle or bicycle thing. You do know this was supposed to be before he was even born, right?

Of course, it completely pales in comparison to DBZ abridged, as far as parodies go. You might as well try to satire something else instead. Or at least satire a stupider moment than this one.

kalevermilion, strictly speaking that's not a yaoi scene. Piccolo is genderless. But it's still plenty gross.

Me, I'm not going to shit my pants when I die. Because I will fast for many days before I die. I will also make sure I'm plenty dehydrated. Aha! See? I'm very tricky, aren't I? But one thing I'll be doing is dying with dignity. Of course, many people don't know when they're going to die.

DruoxtheShredder is the voice. A yes. I didn't recognize it on account of the fact that the damn thing is TOO DAMN QUIET! I have my volume all the way up and it's so quiet! Now I would explain to you all why DruoxtheShredder is awesome, except that THERE'S NO TIME! OH GOD! I CAN SEE MY BONES! I SPENT LIKE 2 MINUTES DOING MY HAIR IN THE MORNING, AND THIS IS MY REWARD!

nevarky responds:

Yeah, not really aiming for Team four star humor lol.

Everyone knows Mario can survive without air. Sonic is the one who will drown. Oh well. What's this about Mario being out of jail though? That wasn't part of the story at all. I feel I've been misled. I'd give you 2.5 stars but I'll make it 3 because I like the "mario kart 8 is a video game released or the atari 500 may 1945" description. What? But I had the atari 400 and that was like 1980. Damn, I wonder where that went. I had an atari 2600 and I think an atari 400, and when I look them up, I see all SORTS of stuff for the 2600 being preserved for antiquity but there's nothing about the 400.

Recent Game Reviews

180 Game Reviews

WOW! I played the whole game with the computer muted, I keep doing that accidentally because of geico ads or ads almost as bad at the beginning (the other day I accidentally commented that a certain video ought to have sound because I accidentally left it muted and forgot - oops), but I had to turn on the sound just to see what was happening when I saw the comments and WOW. Indeed. Must have just been deliberately trying to make it as horrible as possible.

But an ok little game. Nothing special. But inspirational but not tedious or excessive about it either, nor does it really troll you.

TerribleDesign responds:

Isn't this dubstep what the kids listen to nowadays?

I'm glad that you didn't find it tedious. I have nerfed it like 3 times since it has been posted. What did you find inspirational about this game? I am genuinely curious about that.

Also, you can mute your browser, but have music open in you meda player of choice while playing games online. I must be one of the few people that still does this.

Meh. Like too many "games" before it. Like the jmtb02 one with the ? box which turns into nyan cat at the end. I'm tired of this now and I haven't gotten through it and I don't want to see if it has a similar ending, which it probably doesn't.

I saw with the introduction shot this is the maker of homerun in berserk land. I recognize that guy's name and appearance, a bunch of french dudes launching a nerd with a paddle in 2010. That was an ok game, equivalence to toss the turtle and a million others as it may have been. Of course even if I hadn't recognized him, it's obviously from the same game maker from the gameplay and the ostentatious launching devices and upgrades. The same sort of guitar hero type hardcore head bangin' air guitarin' cool dude style. Which makes it perhaps more of a disappointment to see right through it in all its tedium. I'm not a big fan of launch games in the first place, but this one, wow, I've never seen one with such useless upgrades. I get almost as far at the beginning as I do after buying a bunch of upgrades, and it's all because it doesn't matter how powerful the launcher is when you have so far to go, and it's entirely luck of the draw and reliant on where on the ground you land. Also annoyed that the things that ought to keep it going when you run into them, they really don't. When you get launched by the energy ball totin' robot, or picked up by a swarm, or shot out of a cannon, it makes no sense that your velocity after would depend on your velocity after, since you come to a complete stop in the middle, or in the case of the swarm, why is the swarm faster if you hit them faster? But that's the way it is apparently.

And the ULTIMATE in anticlimax is when you get to the end, with the boat symbol at the end, and you think you've finished the stupid game, but NO! It totally TROLLS you! It's like "nuh uh, that was just the end of the first ROUND. And every launch you start at the beginning of the first ROUND. And somehow you have to keep it going to the end of that and get to the end of the next one, with nothing but the most useless upgrades in the history of upgrade type games". And based on the minigames becoming available at such high level numbers, I'm apparently actually expected to launch many dozens, maybe hundreds, of times. Hell no. It took a lot of luck to actually get to the end of the first screen, and luck is something I have in very short supply. No, I have lots of luck. Bad luck. I'll win what should be a 9 in 10 bet less than half the time. So no. Lots of effort went into this. I can't imagine the amount of programming. I've written programs before. Not flash games, but programs. But I can't pretend I don't loathe it vehemently.

Recent Audio Reviews

1 Audio Review

With the exception of ascendancy (and possibly the indy game on newgrounds No Time To Explain), doom had the best music of video game history - certainly the best MIDI music. That's one of the reason doom was so memorable and great. None of the music, for none of the levels, were songs that were annoying to get stuck in my head. They were always the sort of thing where I could hum them when running and almost like magic I would be able to cover a mile in under 5 minutes. There are at least 4 of them, which are so unspeakably epic that it's a wonder they all came from the same people. Whoever was the genius behind them. "Phobos Anomaly" from D1E1 was probably the best of all, followed by "The Pit" from Doom 2, "Tower of Babel" from D1E2, and then of course "Hangar" from D1E1, but maybe I'm biased in favor of that one just because it's where the legacy all began. Other notable memorable ones that come to mind were "Gotcha" and "Idol of Sin" from D2 and a few from which I'm not sure the map they came, but many of which are here. Trying to order them in descending awesomeness is difficult, because any one of them blows away almost any music from any other video game I ever played. They should have worked some of them into the 2005 movie somehow. Good god, has it been that long since the movie, how could that be.

But anyway, this largely does it justice. I like listening for the first few seconds and thinking back to the levels they come from when I recognize them.

Recent Art Reviews

40 Art Reviews

But isn't Captain Ginyu supposed to be looking at you between his own legs though? Ergo, this isn't ridiculous enough! I wonder if that armor and a scouter could be had for fairly cheap somewhere, though. That would make a worthwhile halloween getup.

It's Assegor (from the tv funhouse Pokemon satire)! Here, watch this:


Yes, one of the advantages of living a long time and having a memory that never degrades is that I remember almost everything flawlessly and so I can often put the arcane pieces together where others would not. The downside is that every moment, I relive a lifetime of horror simultaneously. Oh joy!

MY that's a BIG POPE. He must be from the Church of the Mighty Space Jesus. You don't mess with the Church of Space Jesus.

Joined on 12/21/13

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