zortharg's art Reviews on Newgrounds

[Ginyu Force!]

But isn't Captain Ginyu supposed to be looking at you between his own legs though? Ergo, this isn't ridiculous enough! I wonder if that armor and a scouter could be had for fairly cheap somewhere, though. That would make a worthwhile halloween getup.

[Fake Castle Crashers Still]

It's Assegor (from the tv funhouse Pokemon satire)! Here, watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDHVsyA9zBw

Yes, one of the advantages of living a long time and having a memory that never degrades is that I remember almost everything flawlessly and so I can often put the arcane pieces together where others would not. The downside is that every moment, I relive a lifetime of horror simultaneously. Oh joy!

[Fuck the po-]

MY that's a BIG POPE. He must be from the Church of the Mighty Space Jesus. You don't mess with the Church of Space Jesus.

[The Stick Up]

The sad thing is, this actually happened once. Kind of. A robber didn't ask for a bag of money, he asked the teller to deposit the money in his account. WHY does this cashier have a huge bag of money to hand him though? What, was it just under the counter or something? With a big dollar sign on it? You know, that would be a good prop for banks to just have ready, now that I think about it. Big heavy bags like that. With a knot tie at the neck, so they're very hard to open. And full of SOMETHING heavy. Then the robbers are satisfied when they're IMMEDIATELY handed such a bag. Though I think it would be funnier if he walked into a "Dollar Tree" store (where everything costs a dollar or less), pointed a gun at the cashier, and said "I want everything valuable, and no funny stuff".

[Fortune Cookie]

I'm disappointed with the comic, which makes the fortune true, which impresses me and makes me satisfied with the comic, which makes the fortune wrong, which disappoints me. I think I'm going to get in my time machine and go back and kill my grandpa now.

[Old Time Religion]

I don't know about that littlegonkyboy, wbc doesn't have a reputation for using violence as far as I know, they're just a bunch of trolls. That's why I kind of like them. Because they troll regular christians on their own hypocrisy but they don't actually go around blowing up abortion clinics or murdering gays, they just make noise. I'm a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words.

[2001: A Dance Odyssey]

You know, it would have been funnier if it had turned into a TV screen which showed the cable network "starz". My god, it's full of dance dance revolution! Doesn't quite work. 2010 was a better movie than 2001 anyhow.

[Provenance.]

Eh. I could do better. Have like a piece fall off of a UFO, and scientists the world over are poring over it for its secrets and wonders and unsuccessfully trying to determine what it does, and then the next frame says "6 hours earlier" and it shows an alien janitor lose a piece off of his mop out a hole at the bottom of the UFO and cursing in some alien language.

[Mushrooms.]

Have you ever played the game "pixel toilet"? It matches with this pretty well.

[Crazy Talk]

Well, at least the things he believes in are tangible things. The 9/11 one isn't even crazy, it's just almost certainly not true, George W. Bush can't be an imbecile AND an evil mastermind at the same time, the operative word in mastermind being mind after all. Being disprovable makes something at least open to scrutiny.

I always get Scientology mixed up with Mormonism. One of them, whose core belief is this fruity science-fiction monstrosity of nonsense that's more scientifically illiterate than star trek, far from having the details of its origins lost to the mists of time, was historically provably invented recently by a known con artist for the purpose of getting a bunch of money out of suckers, and requires you give the church lots of money. And the other, well.... wait. Which one was I talking about again?