zortharg's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Silent Synapse]

WOW! I played the whole game with the computer muted, I keep doing that accidentally because of geico ads or ads almost as bad at the beginning (the other day I accidentally commented that a certain video ought to have sound because I accidentally left it muted and forgot - oops), but I had to turn on the sound just to see what was happening when I saw the comments and WOW. Indeed. Must have just been deliberately trying to make it as horrible as possible.

But an ok little game. Nothing special. But inspirational but not tedious or excessive about it either, nor does it really troll you.

TerribleDesign responds:

Isn't this dubstep what the kids listen to nowadays?

I'm glad that you didn't find it tedious. I have nerfed it like 3 times since it has been posted. What did you find inspirational about this game? I am genuinely curious about that.

Also, you can mute your browser, but have music open in you meda player of choice while playing games online. I must be one of the few people that still does this.

[Idle Web Tycoon]

Meh. Like too many "games" before it. Like the jmtb02 one with the ? box which turns into nyan cat at the end. I'm tired of this now and I haven't gotten through it and I don't want to see if it has a similar ending, which it probably doesn't.

[Kick The Critter]

I saw with the introduction shot this is the maker of homerun in berserk land. I recognize that guy's name and appearance, a bunch of french dudes launching a nerd with a paddle in 2010. That was an ok game, equivalence to toss the turtle and a million others as it may have been. Of course even if I hadn't recognized him, it's obviously from the same game maker from the gameplay and the ostentatious launching devices and upgrades. The same sort of guitar hero type hardcore head bangin' air guitarin' cool dude style. Which makes it perhaps more of a disappointment to see right through it in all its tedium. I'm not a big fan of launch games in the first place, but this one, wow, I've never seen one with such useless upgrades. I get almost as far at the beginning as I do after buying a bunch of upgrades, and it's all because it doesn't matter how powerful the launcher is when you have so far to go, and it's entirely luck of the draw and reliant on where on the ground you land. Also annoyed that the things that ought to keep it going when you run into them, they really don't. When you get launched by the energy ball totin' robot, or picked up by a swarm, or shot out of a cannon, it makes no sense that your velocity after would depend on your velocity after, since you come to a complete stop in the middle, or in the case of the swarm, why is the swarm faster if you hit them faster? But that's the way it is apparently.

And the ULTIMATE in anticlimax is when you get to the end, with the boat symbol at the end, and you think you've finished the stupid game, but NO! It totally TROLLS you! It's like "nuh uh, that was just the end of the first ROUND. And every launch you start at the beginning of the first ROUND. And somehow you have to keep it going to the end of that and get to the end of the next one, with nothing but the most useless upgrades in the history of upgrade type games". And based on the minigames becoming available at such high level numbers, I'm apparently actually expected to launch many dozens, maybe hundreds, of times. Hell no. It took a lot of luck to actually get to the end of the first screen, and luck is something I have in very short supply. No, I have lots of luck. Bad luck. I'll win what should be a 9 in 10 bet less than half the time. So no. Lots of effort went into this. I can't imagine the amount of programming. I've written programs before. Not flash games, but programs. But I can't pretend I don't loathe it vehemently.

[Music for Decay]

Corode, it sounds like maybe a remix of the music from that awful game "avoidal" where you're the badly drawn robot avoiding things. Perhaps this is the kid, a little older now, with a new account on newgrounds? It doesn't sound like the sort of music anyone would publish and anyone else would use, it's the sort of song someone would be like "I created this song all by myself" and be proud of it unnecessarily. Then again it also kind of sounds like that also annoying video "only in kenya" which is all about how kenya has lions... and tigers. Yeah, sure, maybe in zoos. So what do I know. At least it's quiet. And not nearly as annoying as the sound effects.

An ok minimalist game. I guess. Not impressive. Not the next canabalt. An okay precursor to a better game maybe. I got over 400 on my first try playing it not signed in and so I decided I'd keep playing and playing until I got that far because I can't leave it as my first try being my best, and with atrocious scores online. Took me 19 games to beat my off the record game, I suck.

[2048 goku]

Well. I'm glad it doesn't make the "fusion.... HA!" sound every time you combine 2. Because that would really, really suck. I don't know if it doesn't do that because the creator realized how much it would suck if he did that, or if the creator didn't think of it.

Whew. Got 5388 points and I have no idea what could be a viable strategy to this turkey, and I don't actually want to try to figure one out. That original game is so obnoxious and pointless, so it's a little better with an actual minimal incentive to go along with it. So from what I've managed, it goes baby, toddler in a blue shirt, oozaru, kid in a red gi with a big grin, young adult in a orange/light brown shirt with a serious look, adult with a cruel smirk, kaioken, ssj1, ssj2 (I'm guessing, because of the arcs, obstructing part of his face, and he's got blood coming from his mouth) grinning and injured. I guess that's 512 supposing it starts with 2 (and it should start with 1, but the original game starts with 2) and I'd wager ssj3 is 1024 but I didn't get there. I sure ain't goin' for 1024.

The funny thing, the ironic thing which no one else will realize, is that the progression in that stupid game is in logarithmic time, while his power growth is exponential, so I suppose that means that in the game, he gains power only linearly. Ok, that may not seem ironic exactly per se. But it undoes the exponential growth at least.

So I give this 4 stars. Not because 2048 is worthy of it. But because this implementation of it successfully made it as bearable as possible.

[Goku vs. Superman]

Shooting the beam does almost as much damage the one shooting it as the one who gets hit. And that's assuming it actually hits. Also, Goku has an outrageous advantage, just because of his height, and I think his attack does more damage. As if Goku as a kid could take Superman. Some time when training in the afterlife after the first time he died, that's when Goku surpassed Superman. But Goku as a kid? A more equal fight there might be kid Goku vs. Ranma. Well, maybe it's not really Superman. Kind of looks like Megaman just dressed up as Superman what with those giant Stinkoman style shiny robot boots. Megaman in Superman cosplay. Seems possible, since apparently he can't frigging FLY like he ought to be able to!

Bottom line, the program works, seems to be without bugs per se, but the game has zero utility.

sampearce8 responds:

Yeah this was my 2nd game (first being dynadan). I tried making a 2 player fighting game. Thanks for the review though! (Also, I chose the sprites because I liked the looks of both of them)

[Wanderer]

On the list of games that are horrible with a touchpad instead of a real mouse, this goes pretty high up on the list.

onnig90 responds:

Yea, I designed the game with a mouse in mind. Sorry :(

[Quantum Foam]

First review in over 5 years, wow, almost half the way to when the game was published, and there are 47 pages of reviews. You people need to stop restricting yourselves to new releases. If it was worth a look then, it is now.

Pretty much agree with the one below, indeed, a game is not a game if there's no way to win it, though it is what it is. But that's too common a category of "game" to really call shenanigans on it because of it. There's a new one that's even worse, after all, the type of you can't lose. You buy upgrades and rinse and repeat and every time it's easier because you get "money" which you use to buy more upgrades. Though I guess you could make a game out of the task of winning it as fast as possible.

But what annoys me is how shoddy the instructions are. So the round purple quarks are good and the salmon colored ones are bad. But the hexagonal ones, it suggests on the last page maybe the colors are reversed, because it shows the list of punishments next to the one that's the "good" color and the list of bonuses next to the one that's "bad". But no, it's just shoddy design of the instructions. Now if the colors WERE reversed, I think would be a good way to do it. It would be more challenging that way, if you don't just unilaterally sort them by color, but have to remember it's backwards when going for the special quarks, and are likely to go for one by color but be like "damnit, it was purple but it wasn't purple and ROUND", but nope, the author didn't think of doing that, purple is always good and you can reduce it to just chasing purple an avoiding salmon or whatever I should call that, it's not exactly red on my screen. And here I thought cats would like salmon, heh heh.

At any rate, it's not that interesting a game.

[KITTY SAEVS TEH DAY!!!]

I remember this, from when it wasn't 10 years old. Though I think it was more like 2005 when I saw it originally. This earns high esteem from me if for no reason other than that it was made less than a year later. I resented all the idiots around me and their stupid nationalism at the time, I'd have liked for a mocking voice around me like this one, and it takes balls to have made a game like this in the first half of 2002. Though it would be kind of funny no matter when it was published. Plus I need to raise the unfairly low rating it has. I surmise most of them were from 2002 considering there's only one low rating on page 1 of comments now, which starts in June 2011. Obviously, if there are 87 pages of reviews and the first one goes back more than 3 years, the majority are from 2002. Written by a bunch of those same nationalistic pricks who drove around at 2 am in their SUVs honking their horns with giant American flags on coming out the roof. Look past your own time, you pricks. Right after MLK was assassinated or JFK or Marilyn Monroe died, there would probably be people who would have been offended by this because of that, and wouldn't have even gotten the world trade center thing. But it's no big deal to you, someone making light of their deaths. If it's good at one time then it's good in general and it's good now so you shouldn't have been so shortsighted, frigging trolls.

[FaceChase]

There's a bug in the medals. I just got 2098 feet and just popped up on the screen is that I got the "good guy facey" medal, and that says that you get it by getting caught within 100 meters. I'm also suspicious it was unintentional that you can't keep your units straight, because it says meters in the medals list but it always gives me the distance I go in feet. So I'm going to assume I'm not supposed to convert feet to meters. That was in the lava level. Maybe it ignores the thousands digit, or if it's an error in binary, the bits more significant than 1024? Because I've never been caught in the first 100 feet and the medal just came up then. Or rather maybe I was caught in the first 100 meters but not the first 100 feet, right at the beginning on run 1 or 2, but it didn't give me the medal then. So it's fubar.

Geez, obnoxious music to go with his obnoxious square yellow stupid meatwad face. Not a fan of the super angry but right color to be meatwad square either. But I can kind of see what it's mad about, if not why it would want to chase the meatwad looking thing, and it deserves better than to be chased by 5 of those horrible little things. But why isn't it faster than them? It was faster than the yellow meatwad looking one, it ought to be able to outrun the others. Oh well. At least it was a short game. Just like a meal at dennys. The food is bad, but at least the portions are small. Hey, I should go say that about them in yelp, that sounds like fun. But seriously, horrible music.

By the way, I'm not sure the danger close medal is possible. If you're close (and it shouldn't say "to chasey" because you may well BE chasey if you've won the game - that and the "close call" medals), then the microwave doesn't hit it, it's tossed right over the pursuer.