zortharg's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Casual Checkers]

OOOOooo, sonicmeerkat, does the baby not know how to play anything but baby checkers the way the baby learned in his special ed 1st grade class? When you can jump, you have to. And if you can doublejump, you have to continue the jump. Them's the breaks. And them's the rules. If you want a game with rules that you get to make up, try Calvinball. If you want to play checkers, you play by the actual rules that other people go by.

mujek what rules are you referring to? This is how it is. No, what's WEIRD and DUMB is those ridiculous games where they show you the pieces BACKWARDS. So that you're looking at the board as your opponent would see it, and you're moving your pieces DOWN and trying to get to the BOTTOM of the screen, as if you were playing with YOUR pieces starting on the OPPOSITE side of the board. This is the correct way.

The one complaint is that again the AI isn't too good. It's not as outrageously stupid and completely random as many of them, but it's pretty bad. Sometimes it just decides to just throw away its pieces but it seems at least in the first half of the game it's not that bad.

[Koala Checkers]

On the one hand, the perspective is intolerable. But on the other, the AI can't even be called to be merely playing badly, its play falls somewhere between moving completely at random and deliberately trying to throw its pieces away.

But on the plus side, the play again button doesn't work and it makes the whole game crash.

Kind of like breakfast at Dennys. The food is terrible, but at least the portions are small.

[Window Cleaner]

A job well done, huh. I feel I should be getting more than whatever they're paying me as a window washer. Whatever they're paying me, it ain't enough! Also, there should be achievements. I somehow won it on my first try, with minimal damage. I don't know if it simply looks harder than it actually is or if I'm just so super-awesome I can win a hard game on my first try, but by golly I want to have unlocked an achievement for this. But a nice little game as a small distraction.

MORE ROCKET TOILET! MORE FUNNY LITTLE PUPPETS LIVING IN DEATH HOUSES! MORE MAGIC MUSHROOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!

[Nyan Cat Marathon]

Nyan fat vs. trollface? There's an easy contest! Nyan Cat celebrates 9/11 like it's his fokkin birthday! 9/11 is like Christmas to Nyan Cat! Nyan Cat thinks all jews deserve to die in the holocaust! Nyan Cat says "remember Pearl Harbor! Bomb the Japanese!" Nyan Cat wants to steal your money and then use it to pay for forced abortions on anyone who shops at Walmart! Nyan Cat wants to syphon off the oil from the alaska pipeline and use it to fuel his PALACE where he cuts out the hearts of prepubescent girls and then sets them on fire as tribute to Anubis in exchange for CAT BOMBS so that he can BLOW UP all non-pop-tart cats in the universe because Nyan Cat HATES non-pop-tart cats and anyone who doesn't hate them! Nyan Cat likes to crush the eyes out of newborn non-pop-tart kittens and then feed them to dogs! THAT'S what Nyan Cat does!

Needless to say, it's hard for me to deliberately win this game. Those poor trollfaces. I can't stand to see them lose.

Anyway, I very much appreciate the mute button. Hey, why don't you get rid of that god-awful music altogether. Make it not even part of the game at all. Everyone knows nyan cat when they see it, they don't need the horrible music to go with the picture.

[Flying Cat]

GASP! Aci6, you think the cat didn't fly up as high as it should and that the stars are too far apart in sections? You mean to say, in other words, that this game is TOO HARD and you think it should be EASIER? That you don't feel you should have to use actual STRATEGY which requires you to WISELY use your 3 jumps and actually have a tiny amount of skill and coordination when getting the stars? Oh heaven forbid there be a game that you can't win by mashing the whole keyboard with the palms of both hands the way you would prefer to play every game! Probably while screeching at your computer like a monkey to boot. Frigging idiot. I just won it 3 times in a row and it wasn't very hard, I used up only 1 of my 3 jumps the last time, I guess I should have used more just because I could have shaved a few milliseconds off my time and maybe it would have rounded to the next whole second. And my score of 1260 doesn't even make it on the top 50, the bottom of the all time leaderboard starts in the 1700s. Although the top 3 are flagrantly frauds. Obviously thatax is the top real score, and possibly the only one ever to get to 2000 and get the gold medal award if Janice B's suspiciously contrived single score of 2005 is simply a more plausible fabrication, while I can see thatax tried over and over again to get to 2000.

Then again, I just obsessively played a stupid blackjack derivative called jazz21 and suddenly got over 30000 legitimately because I just kept going and going getting the cards I needed, and no one else has ever managed 20000, so who knows about that sort of thing.

But it's not a special game. I just had to react to stupidity as I saw the stupid comment. It seems something is missing, indeed, but I'm not sure what. Hutzpah. It needs hutzpah.

[enDice]

A pity I don't get to unlock any achievements for it. Ho hum. It's a good pure-mathematics puzzle game. And as the actual music creator below me said, it is good music. Kind of reminds me of the "lullaby" by ghost music, for crayon physics, in that the game itself doesn't really match up with a lullaby, but if the music doesn't go for a game like that, it doesn't go with any game, and then you come out remembering the game for the music after all.

Spoiler alert. The 3 hard levels are 19, 34 and 35. Here is my solution, just for posterity.

My naming convention here is that they are numbered by their starting positions in order from left to right, and if 2 have the same left-right coordinate, the tiebreaker is that they are ordered from up to down. So opposite order of significance to reading, it's left to right is higher significance, top to down less.

19:
5 left-left, 3 down-down, 1 right-right, 2 down, 4 left
34:
3 down, 5 up, 1 right, 7 left, 4 left-right-right-left, 2 down-right-up, 6 up-left-down, 3 left, 5 right
35:
1 right, 9 left, 3 left-left, 2 left-down-right, 6 up-up, 3 right-right, 8 up, 7 down-right-left, 5 up, 8 up-left-left, 4 down-down

[Impasse]

The version on armorgames is better. What is flagrantly different about it is that the + or - filled circles that disappear and reappear when you move up or down, they leave dotted outlines in the armorgames version, but they completely disappear hear, which can get you to forget that they are there altogether. I surmise that you actually modified THIS version to PRODUCE that version to cover that very issue, because that's the sort of change you'd have made in response to it being extremely inconvenient and obnoxious the way it is here. I am not going to bother to see if the actual levels are any different though, that would be too annoying and I've lost interest. So I only give it 4 of 5 because that's a flagrant way this version is inferior to another one that exists and is out there.

[RectConnect]

Needs medals. This is so that particular induhviduals who are about to leave comments like "level 7 is impossible" can see people have completed the whole game and think twice about opening their mouths. Seriously. 7? That wasn't even a hard one. 8 was harder than 7, at least with that one, it isn't obvious how those fixed points work. Good and unique puzzle game. Not too intolerable to play. Kind of reminds me of "impasse". I myself was a "particular induhvidual" on that one at first with a comment I left on armorgames before I realized I was wrong and the last level could be solved after all. So remember. As they say. It is better to remain silent than to open your mouth and let everyone know you're an idiot.

[Evil Cricles of Doom]

Short and sweet. I tend to side on generous ratings when a game doesn't have a lot to it but also doesn't waste a lot of my time, since I have a short attention span. I think it has a bug in it. It restarted at the beginning right after telling me not to touch the blue laser walls (apparently which was the last level) and it never even showed me the level, and I played through the whole thing again but it showed it the second time and I won it, so it wasted less than a minute making me redo that so I can be lenient.

Don't use stupid bad English in your author comments/description. It doesn't make you look leet. It makes you look stupid.

[Evil Bert Assasin]

It gets stuck at an arbitrary level of progress, with that awful music droning over and over again in a 4.7 second loop. Poor Bert. He only wants to have a 3some with Ernie and the Count, where they all dress like Mister Rogers and then invite the Cookie Monster to come by and finish them all off. Who are you to label that as evil?