zortharg's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Armor Blackjack]

I got an ace and a 10 and it not only didn't identify that as blackjack, but it counted it as 11 and said I lose! Well screw you, game, YOU lose! Simple games are just fine, but they have to actually work the way they're supposed to!

[The Horrific Quiz 3 (2007)]

1300. On my first time through. Your score doesn't count if it isn't on your first run through. Not a fan of the "screamers" that happen when you get them wrong though. They didn't even startle me, they were just obnoxious.

If you ever make a revision, might I suggest "The Fly" with Jeff Goldblum for consideration as well? That was pretty good. Or maybe a question about what is DIFFERENT between the original The Fly and the one in the 80s. Also The Blob. That one needs a question. And also it's one that was made in the 50s and remade in the 80s. Or early 90s. Or maybe the original was in the 60s. I don't remember. But seriously, I mean, come on, the phontom of the opera? That's not really much of a horror movie. And there are too many damn different versions of it. Look it up, it's been made a zillion times. Which one are you asking about, the one with Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger)? If you're going to allocate one of 20 questions to that, you need the blob and the fly in there too. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Be very afraid of Gina Davis's acting. Ha ha.

[Dragonball Z super quiz]

For someone who has a very, VERY tenuous grasp of the English language, I find it odd that so many of the questions are based on the ENGLISH DUBBED version of the show. I'd have expected you to have watched it in Japanese. For instance the name of the planet where he learns to teleport, that question is about some subtle difference in the spelling, and the exact words he said to King Cold, that's not what he said except I guess in the dub, which I didn't watch, and whatnot.

Good god, I wish I could wipe that whole show out of my memory but I guess it's stuck in my head until I die. How I long for sweet, sweet oblivion. I wish at least I didn't know or was able to surmise the answers to all these blasted things. I'm kind of glad it got stuck after I did #49, it means I never get to finish the 50 question quiz.

mydbz666, for someone with THAT as your username, you sure don't know what you're talking about. Maron was his girlfriend before he met #18. A shallow empty shell of a bimbo, who had a fetish for bald men, and flirted with kamesennin as well because he was bald and hurt his feelings when he found out that was why she liked him. Remember that? Christ, it's been 20 years and I frigging remember that. So of course, he named his kid after her, that makes perfect sense. At least as much sense as someone weighing 70 kilograms generating 4 quadrillion exojoules of energy I guess. Maybe they have reiji maigos in their chests, ha ha. Watch shakugan no shana to see what the heck I'm talking about there.

[Blackjack Gold]

It looks like 2007 was a good year for blackjack games on Newgrounds. Because the only 2 blackjack games here that aren't crap were in 2007. Ha ha, look at the 3rd and 4th comments after me, zonata and mpoffreedo don't know a THING. What casino have you been going to where the dealer stands on 16! I want to go to that casino! I'll take them for all they're worth! And 5 cards is an automatic win? I've HEARD of that. But I've never actually SEEN it. Just like I've heard of casinos offering surrender. And I've heard of casinos where they have roulette wheels with only 37 slots instead of 38. But I've never actually seen it.

[Big Bomb Blackjack]

An actual good, functional blackjack game. Thanks for that. Is ghedipunk right, that a player blackjack beats a dealer's blackjack? I didn't know that. I guess that would make sense, because otherwise taking insurance would mean safeguarding the 3:2 winnings and would be worthwhile, and they say never buy insurance unless you're counting and you know enough 10s are coming and clearly it would be worthwhile to buy insurance if you were insuring the larger amount.

Why would 2000 be reasonable? It doesn't matter, all that matters is the ratio to your bankroll - and you should NEVER be betting that much! Even if you're the best counter in the world, you should never be betting more than 2% of your money or so, so unless you've turned 2000 into 30000 and the deck is VERY hot, you shouldn't be betting 500 anyway. Never mind that casinos like taking your money - and I've been in casinos where there are tables with 200 dollar bet limit. REMEMBER, the casinos ALSO don't want you having a large spread (ratio between your biggest and smallest bet), because that's how counting works. They want the minimum bet to not be hundreds of times smaller than the maximum bet.

[Blackjack / Ke'Rees]

What's with all the furry strip blackjack games from this one guy. There are at least 5 of them, that all come up just by me searching "blackjack". Stop being so hung up on something so particular and stupid already, make something different, I get it, it's your fetish, but you don't need to do it over and over again. An obsessive compulsive spaceship captain who has to fight aliens, but has to stop every few moments to wash his hands maybe. Hell, make them furry aliens if you want, at least it would be different.

[Fun Blackjack]

I say BOOOOO!!!! I had an 8 and a 2 against a dealer's 5, and I double downed. And I got an ace.

That's a 21, right? Apparently not! It ONLY counted the ace as a 1, not as 11! It said I had 11 total and the dealer got 19 and it called it a loss!

Oh, and that's only the beginning. Because on the SECOND hand, both I and the dealer got 20.

That's a push. That means I don't win the bet, but that I get my money back. Apparently not! It calls that a loss!

I see the reviewer below me said the same thing, he actually got blackjack against blackjack. By the way. Lose has one o in it. Loose is like your mother. Lose is what you do in life. Remember that, michh86. That's what I say to anyone who puts two os in lose.

[Human Invasion !]

Cute subversion. Infecting the zombies with the disease of not being a zombie. Wasn't there a Real Ghostbusters episode where they were in some kind of ghost world and the ghosts were worried that the humans would bring them to life? The game itself though, meh. But just for the idea, you get 4.5 stars.

[Time4Cat]

I can tell you why the sequel is not rated as high. It's the whole thing where the author makes something more complicated and puts effort into it to add extra features and bells and whistles and is partial to the extra bells and whistles because of the extra effort he put into making them, but an impartial outside perspective says "no, that complication detracts from the value of the game". There is value to something being simpler. Look at canabalt, for instance. Or this review. A bunch of words, words, words, you don't want to read all that, right? And yet I am describing things in greater detail than someone else might with a simple comment that doesn't really say anything. Did I get my point across? Same thing. No one wants to get into some complicated thing with some unintelligible plot for something like this. Unless you can trick them into thinking it's deep and meaningful with the rigamarole, which is a possibility, it's not going to work for anyone. And the one bit of meaning there might be was already present in THIS game. Here we have a bunch of callous pedestrians who will gladly step on the cat. It's a statement about the world. And a more concise statement than the sequel.

[Secret Frozen Kitten]

Worst video game music ever. Also I have NO interest in playing it after 2 minutes of this.

LTPATS responds:

Inuit throat singing:

http://youtu.be/qnGM0BlA95I?t=1m