zortharg's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Planet Simulation]

Has a big bug in it. When 2 planets collide, it's like one is made out of matter and the other antimatter. They shoot apart at fantastic speed. The opposite of an inelastic/plastic collision in other words, they get an enormous amount of kinetic energy from nowhere.

It is also hard to get it to stay selected with the parameter I want to change. I try to change the velocity vector of my planet for instance and I click on the second square on the left but no, it keeps changing back to other things. Still, it's good to see a hard physics simulator of some sort here, but it definitely should be improved, its problems fixed.

[Realistic Boxing Simulato]

If it's a "realistic" boxing simulator, then WHY am I able to BUY stamina and an "improved chin"? And as YeOldeGamer said. Gosh, I didn't know I could level up in real life, ha ha. SAY, do you suppose in real life I have a "hit point" counter / life bar as well? How many hit points do I lose from a papercut? How many hit points do I lose from kidney failure, or liver cancer?

colburt187 responds:

well the bar is supposed to represent how you would feel, if you were boxing you would feel how tired you are, I've not quite workout to the programming to actually increase you heart rate in real life yet. You can level up in real life, you go to the gym, you train, you improve your stamina, you level up. Im starting to wonder if you even know what reality is. P.S the title is ironic. I strongly suggest you don't play Justin Smiths Realistic Summer Sports Simulator or you may end up writing him a letter to tell him Finladi Arabia is not a real country.

[The Impossible Maze]

Is this your only account? Because I played something 2 weeksish or so ago called "Ventures of Cyberdevil", and it was basically like trollface quest, but your playable character was the doom guy, who referred to himself as the cyberdevil. Not the cyberdemon, the cyberdevil. But I click on your name and Ventures of Cyberdevil doesn't appear on your list of games you made.

The 4-state 4-direction navigate-a-planar-maze-in-the-dark algorithm:

State A: Push once to the right. If you can't move to the right, go to state B. If you successfully move one space to the right, go to state D.

State B: Push once up. If you can't move up, go to state C. If you successfully go one space up, go to state A.

State C: Push once to the left. If you can't move to the left, go to state D. If you successfully move one space to the left, go to state B.

State D: Push once down. If you can't move down, go to state A. If you successfully go one space down, go to state C.

Basically move one space at a time, and you shift your direction 90 degrees to the left (counterclockwise) if you fail to move forward, and move your direction 90 degrees to the right (clockwise) if you succeed. But doing this gets tiresome after a while. Always thinking about the next direction you're supposed to point. I couldn't manage to keep it up long enough to win one level. And also, if the destination is in the MIDDLE of the level, you could also end up making circles around it. Because what you're doing is really hugging one wall, and if the goal is on a wall which isn't connected to the wall you're on, you could never get there. For instance, if you were stuck in a maze which is a big square wall on the perimeter and a bunch of stuff on the inside that wasn't touching the outer perimeter, and you never got to the other stuff because you just went around and around the perimeter because that was the wall you were hugging. The game isn't my cup of tea but it's a game worthy of existing, I'll say.

Cyberdevil responds:

'Ventures of Cyberdevil' was made by my buddy DIWAKAR, I'm listed as 'Inspiration'. Unfortunately anything that credits a user that way isn't listed under their own creations... though since I wasn't involved in the production that is fair. I wish they were though, it'd make it easy to see everything a user has been even indirectly involved with or somehow spurred the creation of. As for your first question though, this is the only account I actively use! :P

Woah, that's an elaborate algorythm forged towards beating the game! What makes it a bit more complex is that the mazes are randomly generated each time and do not feature only one set path towards the goal, there are plenty of odd roads you can take that'd lead to a a dead end. This was originally a parody game based upon 'The Endless Maze', a game where a new random level is generated for each one you complete. Can be seen here: http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/ca4b597e744915eb0681537aadc816a0

If you're wondering why ^ is not listed under my Games btw: my account was hacked a few years back and a lot of older creations went missing. This is one of few that were included in collections and thus impossible to remove. :) Thanks for the review!

[Advanced Lights Out]

It seems I was wrong in a review I recently left, for a game called "Make Everyone OK". That one WASN'T the first to get the idea for ternary lights out. Here we have one here, that did it in 2007, and got shamefully little recognition for it, while make everyone ok gets top page results on newgrounds. And this is clearly a superior game.

higgles, that's got to be one of the most ignorant comments in the history of comments. And I think you weren't even deliberately trying to be a troll. By the way, I can solve a Rubik's cube in about 30 seconds. Also, I can spell impossible. and Rubik's. So you rate down a puzzle game because it's too hard for you, even though you know it has a solution? "I'm stupid and angry so I'm going to give this game a score in proportion to my IQ! Grr! Grr!" Well sorry higgles, of we're rating this game in proportion to our IQs, I can't maintain the same ratio of stars to IQ points as you, I can only give it 5 stars total. Rate down a puzzle game if you think there's a problem with it and it doesn't HAVE a solution. Don't rate it down if you think it probably has a solution but you can't find it. Maybe unless it's maybe a nasty NP complete problem which just involves searching through a horrendous number of permutations, like this would be if the board were a little larger. But there are algorithms that you could figure out for solving this where you don't have to search through thousands of possibilities.

MrBobo64 responds:

I really appreciate that. Thank you.

[Lightem Out]

As chaotic and independent of skill as nuclearoids. Basically like trying to get the desired balls to come out of a chamber full of lottery balls, by shaking the chamber beforehand in just the right way. I'm SORRY but it's a calculation that cannot be done. That's the primary foundation of chaos theory. Strictly speaking, this COULD be done, because you could calculate the trajectory and the position of each ball after 10 bounces or whatever if they follow straight lines, but there is no practical way to eyeball it, and there's no way anyone could ever actually do it.

[Night Lights: After Dark]

Oh, I did NOT like level 4. I don't know if I did it the way I was supposed to do. Unless there's a way to pick up the boxes, and the X and C buttons do nothing, so it must be only for lamps, or unless I find some way to get it to land on his head, there's no normal way to do it, because regardless of whether I put one of the boxes on the left trigger, there's a step I can't push the remaining upper box past, and the moving platform below disappears under the light, dropping the box to the spikes below, so there's no way to put it on the switch on the right to get to the lamp. So I tried dropping one of the boxes ON the spikes as far to the left as I can get it, to use as a jumping platform on top of the spikes for protection from the spikes, and then jump as far as I can toward the door, and I tried and tried many times and I always nicked the spikes and die until about the 10th try maybe. I have a sneaking suspicion that is not how I was SUPPOSED to win it. None of the other levels had any such ridiculous deception worthy of the puzzles of "trollface quest", they were straightforward solving, so I'm inclined to think there was SUPPOSED to be a different way to win #4, that maybe doesn't actually work. But oh well, I won it the weird way and I won the whole game. At least the game isn't too long and annoying.

By the way, you might want to consider a different font. The 0 in the 10 in level 10 looks like an 8. I thought for a while the levels were numbered out of order, when 11 came after 18. But it's supposed to be the computer 0 with a slash through it, only I guess it's more like the greek letter theta.

[Dot Lock]

100 levels? Are you serious? You have vastly overestimated how interesting this is. Each ONE is an enormous exercise in monotony. I feel I should be making minimum wage for playing it, heh heh, the guy in the story should think about getting a new McJob. I just finished #12 and I've had my fill thank you very much.

[Salt Scissors Paper]

Is there any correlation between what you pick and whether you win? I picked salt and the computer picked scissors and I lost...... and THEN, I picked scissors and the computer picked salt..... and I lost. I guess the computer's proposition is "heads I win, tails you lose".

Why salt though. Is it by any chance ROCK salt? It's in a saltshaker so I'm guessing it can't be.

[Cat-O-Blues Grand Day Out]

The last 3 comments including this one are 2004, 2009, 2014. 2 comments per decade. By the end of the human race or newgrounds whichever happens first, there may not be another completed page of comments. Or reviews as it calls them. Which means likely my comment will be on the top page of reviews here forever.

The nigh unpassable spike on level 4 is bad, but landing on the moving platforms is no picnic either, you're too prone to falling straight through them even if you land squarely on them. Level 2, the static platforms, you don't even need to have your center of gravity over solid ground, you can be hanging off the platforms. Well, it's a simple game. And arguably the issues could be called bugs. But other than that, it works. Pity I can't see the end of it. The repetition of the meow sound really is grating though.

[Gloomy Cat]

People say they hate Flappy Bird but they just can't stop playing it, because they have to beat their score. Me, I watched "Elders React to" flappy bird youtube video and saw the scores they got relative to the "Teens React to" and found the old fogies' performance to be pitiful and so I just half-heartedly played it just to decrease the global correlation between incompetence at it and age - and it took me about 5 or 6 tries to get a score of 37. Which was way better than the average of the young people, so I was satisfied with that.

This however. This is a TROLL of a game. I was motivated not by a desire to beat my previous score, but just to see if the game actually gets to an ENDING if you get to 10k. And the damn thing just got MALEVOLENT every time I got close! I got ALL the upgrades and I got as far as 5k with STILL 7 lives left, but it would ALWAYS manage to take out all my remaining lives to keep me from getting to 10k! I'll bet it just continues forever. I just wanted to see if the 10k milestone did something. But no. I'll never get to know for sure! And I tried and tried for so long, I probably just formed a blood clot in my leg that will give me a stroke. I hope you're happy, EvilMax! Gah. This game is intolerable.

What exactly is the cat running from anyway? Those creepy looking things that dress like Indians that follow him on the left but never actually catch up to him no matter how slowly he goes (thus completely voiding any utility to the "bomb" medallion)? Are they angry at the cat for taking their worthless shard of a sword? Oh noes! He stole our garbage!

I can't in all verity give it TOO low a rating for that. The game doesn't actually have any BUGS to speak of for all I can see, and it has respectable animation. But it certainly loses points for being an intolerable troll of a game that I hate with a passion. Games where you just play them until you lose, they need STYLE, they need ATMOSPHERE, they need to make a STATEMENT (even though that statement is usually "you were doomed from the start" or "the only way to win is not to play"), and this doesn't.