zortharg's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[R-Evolution v1.2]

This would be a great commercial for a charitable organization called "magic mushrooms for creationists".

MisterHerbal responds:

haha well... maybe there's some truth in there.

[Balgar - episode 4]

Well this is unique. This crazy town reminds me of the town Borat came from, I feel there could be a running of the jew any time, heh heh. And they pronounce "similarities" really weird. But small doses. I just watched 2 of these episodes and although it's awesome, it's all I can stand for now.

NedelchoBogdanov responds:

Thank you all for the support

[Dinner]

What the hell is with the "meow" tag? Not that that's how I found it, it was under "greatest movies" of the last month, on page 3. But I can just imagine someone searching meow and getting this and getting to the end of it and being like "where.... where was the kitty.... I was promised! That wasn't meow at all!" I would imagine that's the story behind Coupee below me, with his avatar picture being a cat, if not for the fact that he left the most idiotic irrelevant comment ever. It almost blows my mind that THAT is what would bother someone about this video. Oh my GOD, that guy in the video I just saw about the serial decapitation killer was GAY? 2 stars for THAT! My god commands it because he has told me in his infinite wisdom that it's an abomination (unlike inviting people over for dinner and cutting their heads off)!

Which is not to say that I think it's a GOOD video myself, I just think that comment is horrible. As for my opinion, seriously, daily 5th place? Must have been a REALLY slow day! No plot, no story, no background on the characters, just "Ima cuttin yer head offffff!"

[A Bad Night For Batman]

'doze faces! Egoraptor's got nothin on you! The "You tell your friends about me" scene from the 89 batman was one of the dumbest ever and yet everyone else seemed to love it, nice to see someone mocking it.

[Ideal People]

Not true at all. It's like Rush Limbaugh thinking women with big breasts are stupider on average. It's the same exact fallacious reasoning, thinking they used up all their attribute points on their tits so that they didn't have any left over for their brains. Or thinking a strong man is just a big stupid oaf. HULK SMASH! Just the other day I came across a youtube user darkmatter5252 who claimed to be darkmatter2525's brother and - well, bottom line, it was PRETTY damn obvious that darkmatter2525 got all the looks AND brains between the two of them. Sure, if you look hard enough you may find something that someone is deficient in, but chances are, the better his attributes are in one thing are, that only serves to improve the odds of the other characteristics. You'll have to look hard to find something he's deficient in. The guy who is a genius at math may very well have an IQ of 140 and if so that only increases the odds that he has artistic skill as well. And if you aren't jealous enough already, you find out that he's 45 years old even though he looks 30, not coincidentally having 3 grandparents who lived to triple digit ages. And he's super-rich. And he also didn't get the baldness gene. And it's not only his parents who think he's a very handsome fellow. And he's shall we say well endowed in other areas. And he went to Africa to help give medical assistance to Malaria victims. And then you meet his screwup conniving stupid ugly bald impotent moocher con-artist brother-in-law who is just the opposite in every way. No, life is not like a RPG where you get to choose your attributes at the beginning and only have so many points to spread around among them, not by a long shot.

[Outfoxed]

Meh. Having the frigging casper the friendly ghost ending (and I say that because there actually was a casper the friendly ghost episode where he tames a fox which is then killed by hunters and then of course predictably reunited with Casper when he becomes a ghost fox at the end - nearly making me gag/giving me type II diabetes even THEN when I was young) completely ruins it. It trivializes the whole point of a struggle, of revenge, and diminishes or destroys any sense of the hunters being evil if life is just a frigging pac man game and you just get to try out life as a ghost afterwards. What's so bad about killing then, right? Those hunters weren't such bad guys, they just allowed the little foxes to become non-corporeal foxes that can fly, which is even more fun than being the regular kind of fox, right? As if the anthropomorphising of the fox wasn't annoying enough after already establishing her as the regular wild 4-legged kind at the beginning, suddenly she's using complex tools and walking on 2 legs and where the hell did she get the TNT from? Hammerspace? But hey, the animation quality was good.

KFoxyFox responds:

She got the TNT from a quarry; it's in there in one brief scene =P

[The Girl on TV]

Unspeakably epic. Especially when the song gets to the "holy shit" lyric. You know, I was actually thinking Glycon sounded like a much better name for a sugar god than a snake god, until I looked him up. Check it out here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycon Sexualobster really accurately drew him based on that statue, didn't he! Nice hairstyle on that giant snake. All I can say is that's the way religion should be. None of this "is it working?" crap when you pray. You cover yourself in entrails, but the god rewards you with healing you, or giving you powers, or allowing you to take over the world and making you look reminiscent of Evil-Lyn from he-man. If you're female. Maybe you end up looking like Skeletor if you're male. Say, I suspect the girl on tv was aware of his affections. After all, he's the only living thing in a bombed out city, yet he was at ground zero when all hell broke loose. Don't give up guy, it suspiciously looks like she's got a thing for you too! They're a destined match, what can I say. I like the twists sexualobster is capable of. Based on the first half, you're led into thinking he's creepy and weird. Going on dates with women just to flaunt his unattainability. Topping it off by descending the escalator backwards with that dour look on his face. Getting in her yard and climbing the tree to look in on her. But MIND BLOW! Between the 2 of them, he's the normal non-creepy non-weird one! Take that, predictable cliche plot!

Also, I like the cactus with the mask. It's cute. I need to get a little cactus with a snake mask like that.

[Raw Latex]

Saint Peter: Ok, in order to get in, you have to pass a test.
Me: So I can get in even though I chose the wrong religion?
Saint Peter: Of course. If we turned back everyone who didn't worship Strong Bad, heaven would be a sad and lonely place.
Me: So, then, what IS my test?
Saint Peter: You must tell me.... the meaning of life.
Me: Is it.... latex forehead strap-ons?
Saint Peter: Sigh.... come on in.

I love that boy's father. How could he be a shitty dad when he is so much more awesome than mine ever was.

[Saten & Jezus]

What's amazing about this video is that it evades being offensive to almost everyone because everyone sees what they expect to see; whatever they themselves think is what they think its message is. Really. Look through the comments. You can really pick out who is a brainwashed Christian because they'll say something like "taking the righteous path is harder, just like riding on the hard and lumpy turtle, while Satan tries to lure you with instant gratification with a more comfortable ride" and they TOTALLY miss considering the possibility that Jesus (oh EXCUSE me, I meant JeZus) isn't necessarily the good guy in this story because they're watching it through the tinted glasses of their religion. I mean, for crying out loud, Jesus doesn't say he'll take them to anything like heaven, Satan doesn't say he'll be torturing them forever after the cat ride, the ONLY difference between them is that Jesus gives a passive aggressive threat (and Satan doesn't) , and that Satan offers a more comfortable ride. In fact Satan hasn't actually said he won't whiff them away to safety even if they refuse him out of mistrust, he could very well be too ethical for that and intend to save them whether they agree or not! If you don't come into this video polluted by preconceptions, the obvious conclusion is that Jezus is the bad guy! That's just genius pandering right there. The Christians see it as a metaphor of everything they hold true, the atheists and followers of other religions see a satire of Christianity. Sexualobster should become a politician. If I lived in Australia, I'd vote for him. It kind of reminds me of something I saw once (was it Shakespeare?) where these 2 people were insulting this absolute ruler king and tempting being executed for insolence but every time the king thought he was being insulted, the 2 master wordsmiths would find a way to weasel the insulting sentence they started into a bizarre compliment in the last moment.

[Showdown With Goku]

Was that the sound of the tardis when they shot the beams at each other?

Honestly, why did you not even think of speeding up the video? Even at a time lapse ratio of 2 to 1, you wouldn't have looked pathetic with the speed of those kicks. If Bruce Lee would clearly kick your ass, Goku certainly would. Really the way to do it would of course not to speed up the whole thing, but for brief clips to be sped up variably. If you did that, the only thing you wouldn't be able to hide is the fact that gravity would be increased from its usual 9.81 m/s^2 to that times whatever time lapse ratio you use, but if you didn't speed up moments where it's clear from your motion what gravity's strength is (namely speed it up when you kick, but not when you jump, and when you take a step, make sure your center of gravity is over your one foot which is still on the ground until the other is firmly on the ground), it could actually be convincing. The alternative would be to just film the whole thing on the moon and speed up the video by a factor of 6 but that's probably outside of your budget constraints, ha ha. Also it would be hard to find a field of grass and a blue sky on the moon.