zortharg's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[The Elements Song]

Huh. So that's what Tom Lehrer really looks like. You should have included the intro part at the beginning, where he talks about the guy named Hen3ry (the 3 is silent).

Also I'm inclined to think that you should have had a gimmick for every element. I mean sure, you colored gold, sulfur and sodium yellow, all for good reason, and you colored a few others, mostly in meaningless ways, like titanium being gray - like just about all the metals aren't that color, and you certainly didn't color chromium for instance - but you COULD have gone and done SOMETHING for every element. And it need not have been limited to just coloring the words. But it's good to see this here on newgrounds, there are some who haven't forgotten the old days. Poisoning pidgeons next, woo! Eh, of course it ain't gonna happen, this is from 2004.

[Chibi Awesome]

Well I didn't need to see the author to know egoraptor didn't make this. But it's barely enough to be a worthy homage.

[Awesome Chaotix]

YAY! You killed the Geico lizard! That means there will be no more of their commercials! Right? Right?

AchromaticHue, that sounds literally nothing like Coach Z. Maybe it sounds a bit like Ray Romano.

[Awesome Cracks Down]

I don't even know what this is making fun of, I haven't played many modern (post milennial) games, but that's probably the most distorted and hilarious face he ever made. And who DOESN'T love the rocket coffee mug?

[Awesome Center Redux]

This is exactly like my first internship during med school.... on the ZOMBIE PLANET! YEAH! I'm just kidding. I never went to med school.... I JUST WENT TO THE ZOMBIE PLANET!

Ok. Well. What the hell, now it loads TWO advertisements back to back, NEITHER of which can be skipped? I remember back when you could just WATCH this! Shameful. And I don't think Egoraptor did anything to it to make that happen, it's got to just be Newgrounds.

This is a demonstration of how egoraptor is the best at extreme emotional states shown on faces.

[Ryu: Then and Now]

datcrazyblackboy, age 30? It said 20 years later, what, you thought he was 10 at the beginning? He's got to be at least in his 40s afterwards then, presumably he was close to 30 to begin with so he's probably more like 50.

Oh egoraptor, no one beats you for facial expressions. I'll never forget Awesome Center Redux, the look on the guy's face when he says "cancer" in the few seconds before he said "ZOMBIE cancer!"

The one thing I don't like is how scrawny his upper arms are. He's got Popeye arms, big forearms, puny sticklike upper arms.

[guilty pleasure]

I'm older than the guy who challenged the protagonist to the car race and I'm in a Chuck E Cheez ball pit right now. Yeah, you wouldn't want to meet me.

Just kidding. But you still wouldn't want to meet me.

But I reserve the right to judge anyone by their music tastes. I have to judge them based on something, right? That relates to personality after all, isn't it better to despise someone for liking Justin Bieber than to despise someone for being ugly?

tylerghardin responds:

hahaha. i suppose you have a valid point, but there's always the fact that someone who likes justin bieber could share your interests. what if the smartest man in the world listened to justin bieber's baby on repeat while finding the cure for cancer? i'm not sure that says anything about the artistic merit of the recording, but we certainly wouldn't judge him.

[LUCKY DAY FOREVER]

Kind of up Sylvain Chomet's alley, if Sylvain Chomet did dystopian science fiction. It doesn't sit right with me though. I'm inclined to think that racist undertones underlie it. That it's supposed to be allegorical to the white man keeping the brother down. Oh, the poor black man, so exploited by the evil whities who rule the world and are all pod people. Yeah, let me tell you, I'm white and no one's given me anything on a silver platter. But maybe that is going too far out on a limb though. Aside from that, the problem I have with it is, why did the guy even WANT to be one of those freaks? Why would anyone? Sure, being rich, great, but to have your personality destroyed and to undergo a creepy physical transformation, nuh uh. Realistically, I don't buy the story that selling those lottery tickets would be very popular no matter what kind of propaganda you spew across the populace. You can get people to believe en masse some stupid things (i.e. religion), but I'm inclined to think that there is a limit even to that. At least when you can see the results here on Earth, that is: at least religions make promises they can't keep but in non-falsifiable ways so that it isn't obvious they're all shams since you'd have to die to see for yourself (or rather not see anything, 'cause you'll be dead). Could you convince a poverty stricken population to give up their minimal resources to the already rich uber-society in this way? To an extent. That's the way it is in real life after all. But not to THIS extent, I think. The hyperbole goes too damn far to have any meaning.

[Steve Irwin [Foster's]]

It's funny how the comments are all glowing praise until 2004 when suddenly they become negative and then outright irrationally hateful. Though the first one in 2004 was reasonable, he was actually making valid criticisms. I'm kind of surprise the transition wasn't when he died though, but suddenly 2 and a half years earlier. Maybe that's when they stopped showing those fosters commercials. So allow me to be the first comment in 6 years, longer than the total duration the sentiment was negative, and give it the best rating in more than 10 years. Because you know what? I do remember those stupid fosters beer commercials. And this is not just making fun of the crocodile hunter, it's also mocking the stupid-ass commercials, which deserve to be mocked in any age. They are only outdone in obnoxiousness by geico commercials. I want to destroy geico. Man, if I had a trillion dollars, I would buy out berkshire hathaway just so I could destroy geico. Or maybe make them put out commercials where they apologize for the last 10 years of commercials. Especially the one with the camel on "hump-day". Maybe put out another one where the camel's like "do you know what day it is?" and then one of the employees would say "yes I do." and then he would have a look in his eyes and a perverted grin on his face, and the camel would be backing away and be like "oh no, no, wait, stay away, I didn't mean THAT, put your pants back on, oh god no!" and then the screen would have a big bar across it that says "censored". Also that would mean that I would own dairy queen. So anyone who wants to see that happen, get me a trillion bucks and it'll be so.

[Google Adventure]

On the other hand, even google can't hold up to my power to crash any stock I invest in. I can crash the whole market, all I have to do is buy one share in anything. I caused the "great recession" of 2007-2009, you know. That was all me. It wasn't Bush, or deregulation, or criminal negligence. Oh no. It was me. After much ado, someone talked me into giving the market another shot and told me I was being superstitious and irrational. I sold some far out of the money put options Monday morning (3-24-14) and within 15 minutes, I had turned 13720 dollars into just over 11000. The whole world is like "Oh NO! THAT one is betting on google not tanking! Oh my god, we have to sell our shares NOW! On no news! Oh god, we have to sell it all NOW, for ANY price, and damn the fundamentals!" Lucky for google I got rid of it at a loss. Yeah, that's not going to happen again. If I had held it any longer, probably all their servers would have been struck by lightning simultaneously.

Emptygoddess responds:

Well, you should stop buying stock.