zortharg's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[10 is Again]

I didn't really like the first one. If you want to upgrade it, do you know what you should do? NOT MAKE IT 10 EVERY TIME! Some other modularities. OR how about you use different number bases altogether. Like a little note at the bottom of each level that says what base it's in and what the magic number to aim for is - maybe you'll have one level where it's in hexadecimal and the goal number is "C" (12 in decimal). But THIS? But when you have multiplication symbols do you know what I have to do that I didn't before? I have to actually count all the numbers on the screen together at the beginning of the level, so that I say "oh, ok, this one is 7 mod 10 so I need to start by moving that 1 into the x4 box so that it adds 3 mod 10" or "this one is 4 mod 10 so the thing I need to negate is that +2", adding up all the numbers together at the beginning is really, really annoying. It is NOT the way to knock this game up a notch.

Level 7 dividing. What the hell. It starts 0 mod 10. There's no way to divide by 4 or divide by 5 alone without the possibility of doing it to 0. Which means you must do it to 2

Essentially, this isn't a good addition to the previous game. That was a good start but this is a step in a bad direction.

iojoe responds:

Thanks for the feedback - I'm sorry you didn't like the game a lot. I do like the ideas of different number bases! It would be extra hard: octal or hexadecimal would fry my brain I'm sure!

Counting all the numbers in the grid is a solid solution. Another method of solving levels is to make "easy 10s" and then work with a smaller set of numbers when you've cleared up most of them.

[Laser Beam Escape]

Ahhh, much like the homestarrunner Marshie Ween game. Except with 3 colors instead of just orange and black. Oh well, it's not a new idea, but I like the execution more than that one, where you lose energy and lives while here, as long as you're not actively running into blocks of a different color, you're erasing your earlier mistakes and the bar behind you is receding.

HORRIBLE music though. I'd rather listen to Christmas elevator musak.

WHAT? I'm 2nd place? On my second try, the first one where I didn't even understand the controls? Seriously, it never ceases to amaze me, just that as ancient as I am, how I still tend to beat all the young people on things like this where really I should get my ass handed to me. Seriously, I could have done way better, and there's only a few points between me and first, and 3rd place is almost 300 points down from me. Actually, how did they actually win the game and be that far below me? I only played it twice, and on the second run through, that bar got close to me once.

I'll tell you the pneumonic trick I worked out for keeping the numbers matched up with the colors though. Lower wavelength is lower numbers. So blue has the shortest wavelength, and is 1, yellow is longer and is 2, and 3 is the longest, red. Or if you want to say 1 is the highest energy and 3 is the lowest, that works too.

[Easy Joe 2]

Well there's certainly nothing I've ever seen before that was like it. But on many occasions I was wondering how much longer I would have to suffer through it and when would it be over and maybe I should just quit now, when it told me there was a new level every day, it made me wonder if the game was revised every day which could mean there would be hundreds or thousands of levels. But whew. Got the trophy and that was the end.

[Ending]

Very original indeed. I feel like I'm trapped inside a movie much like Cube. All that done with such simple symbols. It might have been a video game from the late 1970s. Like Adventure for that matter. I'm controlling a giant "at" symbol for crying out loud. Seriously, send this game back to the 1970s and you would make millions of dollars on it. And in them 1970s dollars to boot, a hundred of which would buy you an ounce of gold.

[Push Me]

I saw the 5 x 5 array on the level select. And I was closing in on #25 when THEN I saw the "1/4". That's right, there aren't 25 levels. There are 100. Oh HELL no am I playing this thing all the way through. Way, WAY too long. A good puzzle game premise, but one can only take so much of more of the same.

[Windows Vista Errors]

Huh. Some letters in "Microsoft word 2007" and "notepad" can't be capitalized. For instance h and d. But others can. Like V and S.

Really though, if I wanted an accurate representation of windows vista, I would grab my shotgun out of my closet right now and shoot my hard drive with it. Windows XP is, was, and always be the one true windows. Seriously. I went back and installed it on the computer I bought in 2007 and the one from 2011 because I can't STAND not just vista but 7 either. Microsoft outdid themselves with that one. They broke with their previous M.O. which is to put in horrible problems to be fixed in the next one. The only way they could get people to buy their later revisions was coaxing developers to use new crap which wasn't backwards compatible, not by making anything that was actually better in any way. But back to the point, what was the point of this?

TheMadWasp responds:

The letters in Word don't work, I don't know why, and I don't think there is anything I can do to improve it.

I'm not going to talk about your rant about Vista - although I do agree with what you said - I'm just going to answer your question. The point of these little parody "games" is to take the mick out of the ridiculous problems that Windows has. I do these entirely to be funny, I am not good at comedy in other areas, making fun of Microsoft is the only real thing I'm good at when it comes to flash.
So yeah.
However, after a 2 years of making these games I've come to the conclusion that it is not entirely the operating system's fault (although it can contribute to that), it is the fault of the computer itself. This does not mean that Microsoft is innocent, but if someone doesn't have a good computer, it ain't gonna work, either update the hardware/software or buy a new computer.

[Easter Egg Hop]

Oh, it's the carnivorous rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, going around eating poor defenseless chicks.

Wow, 14 pages of comments and the last one before me is from more than 3 years ago. I guess once a game gets to a certain age, I'm the only one who ever finds them again, ha ha. But Ericho, if you're still alive, and you come back and read this for some reason, it's just your own personal high scores stored in a cookie in your computer, it's not a global leaderboard, tee hee. Of course you're going to be #1. If you're not, you should be getting worried. Ghosts in your computer. Booga booga booga.

Anyway I don't get this game. Did I lose? How? I didn't get pecked by any chickens, I just ate a bunch of chicks and eggs and then it announced I made it through level 1 and then back to the title screen. What, is level 1 all there is? Or did I not do well enough in it to play level 2? Oh well, I don't care, it wasn't a very exciting game, I wouldn't want to play 20 levels of it, how horrible would that be.

[Giant Laser Jesus]

nbomb you're so dense. It's TOTALLY snarking Jesus. You're right about it not being a fun game though, but if you think this game is "religious", I wonder what you think the author's idea of being "saved" is. Only those with the juiciest livers will be saved. Bua ha ha (quote from raptor Jesus from sexual-lobster there).

Simple fact is that the enemies simply come at you too fast for your puny eye beams to kill off fast enough, and there's no up or down control, so there's no evading their attacks. There's no variability in the game, you just shoot beams at the enemies in their vulnerable spots and try to delay the inevitable as long as you can, which won't be very long. But the game is at least good just as a snark at the religion, and I'm all down with that.

[I'm the god damn SUN.]

BEST TITLE EVER! F#ck life, I'm the god damn SUN. Damn right.

It really needs to allow you to see the tutorial even after you've played. I couldn't figure out how to shoot lasers and had to refresh the game to see the tutorial - and then it was something I never expected. I didn't even know that was an option, to make it react to a right click. More flash game authors should do that! The right button is almost never involved, the only time until now I have seen it involved was where I right click and then choose something that's there sneakily in a dropdown menu. And when there are multiple inputs, it's invariably some intolerable thing like the x key and the z key and the shift key and it's only worse if I'm also constrained to using the asdw keys for direction instead of the frigging arrow keys, but not THIS game. This game is just left click, right click, accelerate in this direction, shoot in this direction, move the cursor by moving the mouse. Ah, this game would be REALLY fun if I was not stuck using a touchpad. I also feel it needs to be possible to extend the game a little more easily. Destroying planets should restore your health a little more than it does maybe. Or perhaps they restore your health more at the beginning of the game, but the longer you play, the less the amount of restoration they give you, so that how long you last really strongly correlates with how good you are at it.

[You Have One Box]

Incredibly obnoxious music, and level 9 is frigging impossible with a touchpad instead of a proper mouse because when my finger gets to the right side of it I have to lift it up and put it down somewhere on the left side and by then he's jumped off to his doom, it's not a test of problem solving or even reaction time and coordination.