zortharg's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Christlan the Jesus Lion]

Ha ha, Xenu. Yes, kids, of course, it's Xenu! Him coming back to life was symbolic of the re-emergence of Thetans after being blown up by H-bombs at the base of a volcano, or however it goes. That's why he wouldn't shut up about Adam and Eve. Oh wait, I know who he is? He's not George Takai or Barack Obama, he's Eddie Izzard! The stupid lion is an allegory for Eddie Izzard!

But in what sense is Lord of the Rings a Christianity allegory, much less Gandalf an allegory for Jesus? I thought it was a random splash of Norse legends and, er, Dungeons and Dragons or something. I'm just kidding, I know it predates Dungeons and Dragons.

Who did the boy say before Muhammad? I can't make it out?

dogsinthecathouse responds:

The boy says "Buddha" before Muhammad. And yeah, I never really got the whole Gandalf Jesus-allegory thing either, I was just basing that on some Christian book my mom gave me when I was younger claiming "The Lord of the Rings" was really all about Jesus.
Thanks for watching, and thanks for the review! :D

[Two Anglophiles]

Ha ha, I'm reminded of strong bad email #22, tee hee. Happy new orbital period. That's great. I can do better though. Happy arbitrary orbital period standardized reference phase position. Say THAT eleven thousand times fast.

Shufflehound responds:

Happyarbitraryorbitalperiodstandaaaaaaaaaa---------*brain.exe has stopped working*

[How To Basic - Animated P]

Ohh, those stupid youtube videos. It took me a few seconds to figure out what this was supposed to be. Basically a commentary on how they have no substance, I guess. Although your description that it's a parody is kind of overstating it. It's hard to make a parody of something that's already so stupid it's indistinguishable from a parody of something else. It's like this time I took the french audio of the futurama episode "the day the Earth stood stupid" and put my own fake subtitles on it, the thing is already so silly it was hard to come up with any dialogue that was sillier than the original. Making How To Basic look stupid is as futile as making a parody of Rick Perry, the man is already his own parody, a living parody of himself. You gotta find something that's not COMPLETELY retarded.

Punch-Dance responds:

oh man lol I completely get what you mean , i was trying to sum up his whole content but you cant reallly take a creative angle at it with its lack of sensehaha. well im trying to be original and work on a game grumps parody XD which is a lot better than this (imo anyway) keep an eye out for that at least!

[Skitzo-Too Hot to Handle]

You screwed up the premise there, there's no audio in a silent film except the music. Come on, you are perfectly capable of making it work without breaking the 1920s motif, you do it in all the other ones.

You've really got to do one where he's working a funhouse/haunted house theme ride. Where people go in to GET scared and then they can't handle what he has for them because he's just a little too good at it, he could kill them not in the usual way but in pure fright. Ooh ooh! A BOAT RIDE! Then the people riding on the boats coming out the other end are just like these corpses with horrible frightened looks on their faces, and all their hair is turned white, and all their joints are dislocated and pointed weird ways.

Comick responds:

Ah yeah sometimes I do add in sounds and things that of course would not appear in a real silent film...I'll just blame it on demonic possession! haha but glad you enjoyed it and that story you make up make me laugh pretty hard haha nice. :) Thanks again

[Skitzo-"Spare a Dime?"]

Wait, that's a bear? I thought it was a rat or a mouse with its tail cut off.

Screw 10 cents. I would give him 10 bucks to kill someone for me. He'd be all over that, after all, it's better to work in a good paying job that you like than to just get charity.

Comick responds:

Nah, Skitzo isn't a rat lol. Hes a sunbear! They are black skinny bears who love heat, have white collar patterns on their necks (like skitzo) and white eyes too! They are also very long and have huge sharp claws that stay out and don't retract just like his. Also Skitzo wouldn't mind killing for some dough...just don't be in his kill zone or he will take you too without a 2nd thought!

[Skitzo-Birds of a Feather]

It would have been better if he had used his demonic evil powers to catch the worm for the bird in some terrifying and impossible way.... and THEN, when everyone thinks he's being kind to the little bird, THEN crush the life out of it. Just to make it a SURPRISE ending there. The way it is is just too simple.

Comick responds:

hahaha yeah the worm got lucky this time! He didn't die...but that's because he popped up and then went bolting out of there! That was the birds fatal mistake...

[Glow Cycles]

Point of fact, this is not a game, this is a video demonstration of you playing a game. Seriously, if you made the game, upload the game. Or at least call this a movie. Calling this a game is like calling a regular donut an unrequited-desire-for-jelly filled donut.

Labyrinthus responds:

Its a pretty old project, with only the point to demonstrate a potential game, not to actually make it. It is just a flash to show what might be, apologies if it was not clear in the first place.

[Midnight Snack]

Damn, how is it possible that this was NOT made by egoraptor. Unless sweetcommando is an alias for him. Otherwise, what can I say, clearly great minds think alike.

sweetcommando responds:

egoraptor? pffffttt this is probably on the same level that egoraptor was 5 years ago

[R-Evolution v1.2]

This would be a great commercial for a charitable organization called "magic mushrooms for creationists".

MisterHerbal responds:

haha well... maybe there's some truth in there.

[Balgar - episode 4]

Well this is unique. This crazy town reminds me of the town Borat came from, I feel there could be a running of the jew any time, heh heh. And they pronounce "similarities" really weird. But small doses. I just watched 2 of these episodes and although it's awesome, it's all I can stand for now.

NedelchoBogdanov responds:

Thank you all for the support