zortharg's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[You Wanna See My Pecker?]

Now I'm glad that I'm so damn old. If I had seen this as a kid, I would have had nightmares. And I'm still kind of disturbed. Disturbing me, that takes a lot. Maybe it has something to do with how male birds don't have penises. Female mammals, they've got 3 holes, males have 2, but birds, male or female, they've got one, and it's called a cloaca. I'm not sure whether that makes mammals more nasty or less, though. Kind of depends on my mood at the time, I think. Certainly if mammals had multiple assholes, each additional one would be gross, so maybe it's only a human conceit to think of "one hole for it all" as being gross, whereas birds would think humans are nasty for having multiple holes. Oh well. It creeped me out and was funny so good job with that.

[Silence of The Lamps]

I always thought that slurp thing in silence of the lambs was ridiculous and silly and not creepy at all like it was supposed to come off as. But why is he disappearing Marty McFly style? Is she going to go back in time later and turn out to be his mother, but if she doesn't take him seriously now, she won't get sent into the past?

[Trunks is a bad ass]

Well, some things deserve to be mocked, but I think you could find better things than that, and ....eeewwwwww. I don't understand the picture with the tricycle or bicycle thing. You do know this was supposed to be before he was even born, right?

Of course, it completely pales in comparison to DBZ abridged, as far as parodies go. You might as well try to satire something else instead. Or at least satire a stupider moment than this one.

kalevermilion, strictly speaking that's not a yaoi scene. Piccolo is genderless. But it's still plenty gross.

Me, I'm not going to shit my pants when I die. Because I will fast for many days before I die. I will also make sure I'm plenty dehydrated. Aha! See? I'm very tricky, aren't I? But one thing I'll be doing is dying with dignity. Of course, many people don't know when they're going to die.

DruoxtheShredder is the voice. A yes. I didn't recognize it on account of the fact that the damn thing is TOO DAMN QUIET! I have my volume all the way up and it's so quiet! Now I would explain to you all why DruoxtheShredder is awesome, except that THERE'S NO TIME! OH GOD! I CAN SEE MY BONES! I SPENT LIKE 2 MINUTES DOING MY HAIR IN THE MORNING, AND THIS IS MY REWARD!

nevarky responds:

Yeah, not really aiming for Team four star humor lol.

[Mario Kart 8 is Great]

Everyone knows Mario can survive without air. Sonic is the one who will drown. Oh well. What's this about Mario being out of jail though? That wasn't part of the story at all. I feel I've been misled. I'd give you 2.5 stars but I'll make it 3 because I like the "mario kart 8 is a video game released or the atari 500 may 1945" description. What? But I had the atari 400 and that was like 1980. Damn, I wonder where that went. I had an atari 2600 and I think an atari 400, and when I look them up, I see all SORTS of stuff for the 2600 being preserved for antiquity but there's nothing about the 400.

[Zero Wing]

Now that's pretty cool. I like the notion of instead of making fun of it, simply correcting the grammar and making it into all it can be. I saw a shakespearian all your base dialogue somewhere, that was cool too. Dost my eyes and ears deceive or did a signal we receive? Or something like that.

Though the music going on in the background is obnoxious. It would be better to have something milder. Something to show the tension building up.

TFX responds:

It's a pretty intense song. When I heard it thirteen years ago when I made this, it was actually my gateway into Incubus. That's a whole tome by itself. If you watch the second anniversary edition, I've added, uh, mellower music as I expanded the story.

[What About a Man?]

It would be funnier if the dog was a cat freak and kept trying to insert cats in the story. Since the whole purpose of this seemed to be to make the viewers confused in as many ways as possible.

[The Magnet Dog]

They say that every joke has been told before. Well. I don't think this has ever been done before. Points for originality if not making no sense?

[Robbed]

Hmmm. Kind of a ripoff of "a depressed whale", I think. You should have ripped off Zulway God of Mercy or Gods of Olympus instead, those were much better. Well, it was ok. But I think if you're going to go to the trouble of making animation, you ought to make the actual content completely awesome. Kind of like when you see a webcomic with excellent art that obviously took a long time to make and spelling errors in the word bubbles, or things like failing to understand "your" vs. "you're" or "quite" and "quiet" that would take 30 seconds to do right.

GodLosifer what the hell, no this couldn't be an actual feature length movie plot. How can anyone capable of comprehending human languages think that? What the hell, it was a brief gag. And not even a very good one. Don't ever become a screen writer, you would end civilization. No wait. Yes. Become a screen writer. Because I want to end civilization. Burn it. Burn it all!

Brewster responds:

Never saw a depressed whale until right now. It doesnt surprise me that the concept of robbers robbing robbers has been done before though. Someone probably did it before filmcow, I guess this is just my take on the idea.

[Romanticide]

Don't antagonize the grim reaper, ha ha ha. Or ask a bunch of stupid questions you should know the answers to already. It loses half a star because I just can't identify with that guy. He's just so incredibly stupid. Granted that was necessary to make the jokes; if he hadn't been dumb enough to be so upset about getting the answer "yes" to the question "am I going to die", and the rest of the things, there would have been no content, but still.

[Just BATMAN]

I am the terror that awkwardly trundles off the screen in the night. Meh. Didn't waste much of my time at least. Needs sound.